Do I enjoy being a mom?
That’s a crazy question! Of course, I love being a mom. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had so many kids. However, have you ever really thought about that question and how you live it out day to day?
Let me tell you how I really feel about this. I have 5 boys, ages 10 years old to 2 years old. There is always lots of noise(singing, yelling, talking loud, roaring like a dinosaur, etc), wrestling(sometimes good and sometimes bad), eating(they eat constantly!) and fighting for attention. My boys like to talk or yell over each other to get my attention. Taking all of my boys anywhere is a daunting task! Needless to say, I get overwhelmed A LOT!!!!
I do enjoy the craziness my big family brings but it takes a toll on me. For the most part, I am a quiet, private person. I really like my space. So to have a family that is constantly in my bubble seems to drain me.
Sometimes it feels like I am a volcano, I could lay dormant for a while. But every time someone comes to me whining, fighting, yelling, or just being loud and in my face for fun, it makes me become more tense. If I don’t get a break to process the issues and just be quiet it rises and rises until I erupt. Then I end up taking it out on someone who didn’t deserve the full wrath of my explosion. I knew I was always tired but I just shrugged it off.
I realize now that my mood, emotions and attitude has a big impact on my family but an even deeper impact on me. When I am in a negative mood, it seems to make everyone else on edge. The impact it has on me however seems to dwindle away at my livelihood. It makes me slowly become a miserable person to be around. It makes me more susceptible to depressive thoughts.
I don’t want to live this way. I want to be a positive, enjoyable person to be around. I want to shine God’s light for my family and everyone else around me. I am learning to embrace my big family and not get so overwhelmed by the whole crazy scene but to take each member of my family as individuals. Is what this specific person doing warrant a big tantrum? Most likely not. I want to be happy!
Throughout my marriage, my husband has told me he doesn’t think I enjoy being a mom. That is a big shot to my heart because I have always wanted to be a mom to a big family. So, the fact that I don’t enjoy this thing that has been the only thing I was sure of is difficult. I am changing this!
I DO ENJOY BEING A MOM! Now I just have to show it!1 Thessalonians 5:16 “Always be joyful.” This doesn’t mean you can’t have bad days. It just means you shouldn’t stay stuck and dwell on them. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Enjoy life and the small moments! Be Happy!