Are moms allowed to have friends?

I remember the day I became a mom. I was newly graduated from high school and it was just a few days before my 18th birthday. I received a call from my fiance’ who was in Missouri visiting his family when he told me that his son would be joining him on the flight back to Georgia, where I was born and raised. Immediately, I was shocked and scared. Although I had always taken care of my little sister,  she was just 11 months younger than me. We were going through the same things at the same time. I hadn’t the desire to babysit, I preferred a different type of job. I always saw myself as that businesswoman in a suit and heels and killing it in the corporate world. My own boss, my own house, my own car, not depending on anyone to survive.

In an instant, that all changed. As I stood in the airport terminal waiting to see what my life was going to be, my palms were sweaty, my knees were shaking. I saw him, his beautiful eyes and his pouty lip (didn’t have a great flight I heard). I walked beside him and he never looked up, he never spoke to me. I knew I was a stranger, but I loved him in that instance. As we were picking up the luggage, he spoke his first words to me, “Hey lady, that’s daddy’s bag!” Precious right? I laughed and told him I knew, but that he and his daddy were coming with me to my house.

For two weeks straight, every time he needed something he called me, “Hey Lady.” I didn’t mind because I wasn’t going to push anything on him. He would ride with me while we dropped daddy off at PT in the mornings and we would share a ride, mostly quiet, home. One day though, on the way home from dropping his daddy off, he broke the silence with, “I love you mommy!.” I had to pull over while I had tears of joy streaming down my face. I turned around, put my hand on his little leg and told him that I loved him too. That moment was the moment that changed my life forever.

After having a kid come into your life, especially at such an early age, I noticed that my friends around me were dropping off. Absolutely not in a negative way, we were just at different points in our lives. It does happen. A year after I became a mother, my husband was stationed in Ft. Wainwright, Alaska. Yes, Alaska. But not the Alaska that was full of city life and fishing, Almost the center of the state, 100 miles south of the Arctic Circle Alaska. This is where I felt the most alone in my life. I was a mother to a toddler, and his dad was away most of the time on active duty. I tried to reach out to other military moms but quickly realized that a lot of them were snakes. Bringing their boyfriends to the FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings while we were being informed of the situation with our husbands. But I did find two very close military wife friends. One while I was in Georgia before we were stationed out, which I hold so close even today, and one while I was in Alaska.

Making friends as a mom is always difficult. How do you make friends when you are so out of your element? I was still so alone when my husband decided we would be moving to Missouri with his family instead of back to Georgia with mine. I knew no one. Friends have come and gone and some stay at a distance but jump when they know I am in need. They have moved away, or I lost them in the divorce. But its okay, people will always come in and out of your life. I was not blessed to be born, raised and also raise my kids in the same place so finding lifelong friends will always be a difficult thing for me.

I am at the point in my life where I am focusing more on my family and my children. I want to work from home and I want to be there for my kids. Because there are seven kids between his, mine and ours, that doesn’t leave me much time for outside relationships. However, I feel like every woman needs an outside view. Someone to pamper themselves with, go shopping with, escape every day with. Someone who always lends an ear without demands. Someone who you can talk things out with, divulge secrets and gain clarity.

So, no matter where you are in life, know that you deserve a friend, you need a friend that you can turn to. Whoever you choose that friend to be, even if it is your mom or your daughter in law, choose someone that fills up your tank and replenishes you, not someone who drags you down, causes stress or has unreasonable demands. Chose to replenish yourself in the best way possible, bubble bath, music, art, and even a friend.

How do you make friends as a mom? Have you ever been without any friend? Are having friends worth the possible disappointment later? I would love to know your thoughts in the comments below.

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