It has been 5 years since my last miscarriage. I still think about my child I lost, the pain I went through physically and mentally, and grieving. One of the things that helped me so much is the hospital.
After my DNC, the Dr talked to me about what to do with the baby’s remains. I had not even thought that far at all. My focus was to handle my pain and try to process this major event in my life. He explained to me the hospital gives three options; letting you bury your child on your own, discarding the remains at the hospital (which seemed so heartless to me) or to let the hospital bury. See this hospital I went to offered a special program for mom’s who lost their baby. They would have a special memorial service for all the families who have lost a child and then have a grave plot to bury these children. This was so profound and amazing to me. I didn’t know what to think but I knew this would help me in the grieving process I didn’t think I needed to go through.
I thought I was able to handle this service, I had already grieved so this would be a remembrance ceremony. Little did I know how much more of the grieving process I needed to still go through.
I was crying before it even started and once the tears began to fall, there was no stopping them. I cried so hard through the whole service. I am the type to cry harder when someone tries to console me, which is what happened. My husband knew this about me and gave me just enough space for me to know he was there but not to make my crying worse. The usher, however, didn’t understand this. She came up behind me and gave me a hug, (no doubt being upset with my husband for not consoling me like she thought he should) making me cry even harder. After she left, my husband put his arm around me trying to show his compassion but that just made me cry more. I tried so desperately to stop but I couldn’t.
From what I remember, it was a beautiful service even through the tears.
The gravesite was so special. We had all these families mourning the loss of their own children, grieving along side the other families. It is hard to explain all the emotions felt. Pain, loss, comfort, support, ache, just to name a few.
Then the hospital allowed each family to place something on the grave to represent their child.
We chose a dinosaur and a tiger. One for the baby we had just lost and one for the 1st baby we lost in 2009.
I am sure everyone handles things their own way. I am the type to bottle things up until I explode. My explosions may happen with tears, anger or both. How do you grieve?
When you have a loss, I hope you will have people around you to support and guide you through.